Big Brother 9 - Episode 14 – I Prefer The King James Version Myself

[MaxxFisher]

I Prefer The King James Version Myself

Greetings my loyal minions, Maxx Fisher here.

Ha ha ha hahahaha
That was for you Matt you total and complete douche bag. After the Veto Ceremony all hell kind of broke loose and Matt was his typical humble self and by that I mean he was an ass. He marched around the house being loud and rubbing it in everyone’s faces that he was staying and Natalie, his little loyal puppy dog followed him everywhere he went. Meanwhile up in the HOH room Chelsia was blowing a gasket on Ryan at least I think she was her mouth was nothing but a blur both figuratively and thanks to the CBS censors. That’s when Pudgy Rye Bread decided to get all gangsta on Chelsia tell her that Matt is his boy…yo yo. Matt comes in because he can’t have three people together in the house without him throwing himself into it, but Ryan threw Chelsia & Matt out because he wanted to have a word with Josh. Her comes the real fight now, but not so much. Their secret alliance seems to still be going strong with Josh going as far to say that James going up is actually going to work in their favor. You do have to play the game for your self.

Sheila is in the back yard with her top untied trying to get a granny tan while she strokes Ryan’s ego, telling him how smart he is and Ryan let’s us all know that Chelsia is a bitch. Of course Matt is his always diplomatic self and Josh is about to let loose & Sharon stops him. Thanks a lot! She tells Josh that his blowing up isn’t good for her as if they were still partners.

Matt Is A Bad Kisser But We Figured That Out Already
Sharon spills it to Sheila about the whole making out with Matt thing. Excuse me while I go vomit everything I have ever eaten. She is playing Matt, but Matt thinks he’s playing her but he doesn’t know that she knows he’s playing her, understand? Sheila is eating all this up because she hasn’t heard gossip this good since she heard that Kennedy was sleeping with Marilyn. It only took her about 5 seconds to spill the beans to Puppy about Matt’s wandering lips <PUKES>. Nat doesn’t trust Matt so naturally she wants Sharon gone, and because someone else has an opinion, Sheila latches onto it and wants Sharon out too. Puppy compares Sharon to a fart, silent but deadly. James wanders in and Natalie & Sheila tell him that they want Sharon out and he promises to have their backs if they give him their words. They both do. In the words of Matt, you can’t trust broads.

Of course puppy can’t wait to confront her Matty about the terrible things he did with dirty dirty Sharon. He turns it all back on her telling her he doesn’t like any of the girls’ in the house including her (Sorry Matt I don’t think Josh is into you, but you might have a shot with Ryan). He says they aren’t partners anymore, that he is moving out of the bedroom telling Natalie that if she’s not with him, she’s against him. It’s like watching a battered wife get beaten up right before my eyes.

Was Matt Looking At Me? I Can’t Tell With That Lazy Eye
It’s Julie time in the living room. She asks Matt if he ever had any doubt about staying, he said of course he had doubts because you can’t trust anyone in the house. That might be the only smart thing I have ever heard him say. Jules then asks Puppy if their relationship has changed since the pair brake up and being the complete delusion whack job that she is, Nat said no. Matt threw his head back so hard with a silent laugh that I thought he was actually going to flip over the back of the couch. He told Julie that he & Nat were BFFL’s. Huh? Best Friends For Life. Smooth talker. Next we get a side by side video of Sheila in her red leotard & Jen in hers from last year. Everyone in the house says Sheila looked better. Now let me take a break here a moment my delicate flowers. I hated Jen. Loathed her. If you were a “Jensa” member you deserve to be shot and your children should be taken away from you and their names should be changed. Saying that I thought that Jen was about 1000 times better looking than Sheila was. Let’s move on now, that was a hard thing to do.

We all know that America has been voting to give one of the already ousted houseguest a chance to get back in the house. CHANCE??? What is that all about? We’ll get back to that later. We get to take a quick look at all the former house guests in their sequester homes. Jacobs is praying (maybe for brains) so he can get back into the house because he loves Sharon and wants to work things out. I wonder if he still loved her when he was banging that other chic? Jen can’t wait to get back in because it wasn’t fair that she was kicked out. Parker says that if he gets back in he’ll have a thing or 2 to say to people. Amanda & Alex are not getting along in sequester at all. Alex is mad because their elimination was her fault. Alex says he did not campaign to save himself but if he goes back in, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Allison feels she should go back in because blah blah, torture, blah blah ridicule. Just shut up.

We come back from commercial & all the former HGs are standing outside the door to find out what the deal is. Jen is happy & surprised and wants to know why Ryan isn’t there. Julie tells Allison, that her former partner Ryan was HOH this week, what does she think of that? Well the technicians on this show must hate Allison just as much as I do because every word out of her mouth was covered up by an audio bleed from inside the house. Bravo sound guys or Natalie’s God or whoever else I have to thank for this.

Mystery Date
After this wonderful event Julie tells them that the current hamsters will vote on who they want back in, the person that is about to be voted out or the one that America has voted to get a chance to return. And whoever they choose will have to crouch down in a big blue box. Good news Parker, America voted you…second. That was just mean. Alex on the other hand was the one that America had actually chosen.

Now we get a bit of a rundown of what the HGs think of the 2 people on the block.
Chelsia: wants Sharon out, she isn’t really playing the game & James can get her far in the game
Adam: James & Chelsia are too strong. Sharon is a quiet one and you just can’t trust them
Matt: You can’t trust a guy with a pink Mohawk, besides he’s stronger than Sharon
Puppy: Sharon is sneaky. James & Chelsia are really strong
Sheila: Sharon is playing both sides but she is a woman and the women need power & numbers
Josh: Loves Sharon but she is easily intimidated and she is a flip flopper.

Goodbye James..For A Couple Minutes
Well it’s a vote of 5-1 to kick James out and nobody gets up except for Chelsia she hugs him and walks him to the door. And we hear someone tell Chelsia “We don’t hold that vote against you” Aww isn’t that sweet, it’s ok for her to vote for the person she wants, what a bunch of sweethearts. Sharon does hug Chelsia.

He walks out and Julie asks him what he thought of only Chelsia walking him out. He said he told them that he didn’t want to say goodbye to people that don’t keep their word. He told Julie that he thought Sheila was the best player, she’s low key and she has made critical moves. He really likes Chelsia and wants to hang out with her outside and will do whatever it takes to do that. And James has just one goodbye video and it’s from Chelsia. She comes on and the waterworks start almost immediately. She says how hard this is, that James is an amazing person, he’s beautiful inside & out. Thought she’d be a badass and not cry and that she always made fun of the people that “connect” on reality shows. She’ll be thinking about him the whole time. I wonder if Matt’s goodbye message to Puppy will be this nice. Asked about his reaction James says that he loves her a lot, which Julie pounces on, but he says it’s a different kind of love. Now that scamp Julie teases James and asks him what he would do if he found out that he might be able to go back in the house. James said he would crap his pants. That’s what you get for teasing Julie and she tells him all about the twist.

Cut back to the house:
ERRRRR
ERRRRR
ERRRRR
ERRRRR
ERRRRR
The surprise siren goes off and I think all the blood drained out of Matt’s face. Nat isn’t happy either and Chelsia is getting visibly excited.

“Oh God Julie!”
“You’ve got nerve”

D!@K In The Box
Julie shows them the big Mystery Box and tells them all the deal. Chelsia starts campaigning telling the others that James won’t go after them and Julie tells them all to shut their cake holes. There is going to be a live vote to see who makes it back in.
Ryan: Mystery Box
Chelsia: JAMES!!!!!
Matt: Mystery Box
Sheila: Mystery Box
Josh: James
Natalie: This is so difficult…James (WHAT!?!?!?!?)
Adam: James
Sharon: James

OH MY GOD JAMES IS COMING BACK!!!!

Quick commercial break and then we see the giant box in the living room and it opens up to reveal to everyone JAMES!
And former King Matt said, “We voted you back in Buddy!” Oh my God, the balls on this guy. How does he walk with those giant brass things in his pants. Could he honestly think that James would believe him? But now it’s time for the HOH Comp


Disco Sucks
There is a large metal ring with chains hanging from it. At the end of the chains is a disco ball and above that is a gold circle. Everyone is to stand on their circle and the ring rises and starts to spin a bit and bob up and down. Puppy asks “What are they going to throw on us?” Well it turns out that it is bubbles coming out of a giant champagne bottle. And of course the show can’t end without making Matty unhappy one more time. Julie comes on and reveals that the vote to bring back James was just 5-3. When it starts to fade out you can hear people arguing but I can’t tell who.

As of this writing it is about 3 hours since the show ended and there are only 3 people left hanging. Don’t worry I won’t reveal who they are. I mean I’m not a total douche, my name is not Matt after all.

Later Minions

If you have the guts to say something to me you can contact me at Maxx@tvfunspot.com

If you want to know who won the HoH - visit the LIVE FEED FORUM

For More Big Brother 9 News visit: SirLinksalot: Big Brother 9
Images are Property of CBS

[Erika]

Excellent recap Maxx Your 'choice' of words is freaking funny Always entertaining!

[nanaurey]

Loved the recap Maxx, you did a great job of describing such a messed up bunch of people and their actions that are going on in that house!