America’s Next Top Model – Episode 2 MODEL DOWN!!! WE HAVE A MODEL DOWN!

[MaxxFisher]

MODEL DOWN!!!
WE HAVE A MODEL DOWN!

Greetings my loyal minions, Maxx Fisher here,

Walking. It’s one of the things we learn as a baby. I learned it. I walk everyday of my life. I’m good at it. I do it with PIZZAZZ! Then again I don’t have giant pendulums swing at me. Man life would be interesting if random pendulums just came swinging at me. Nudity. There’s another thing I’m good at. I was born that way and I’ve managed to perfect it. I’m almost as good at being nude as I am at walking. But then again I’m sure Tyra would tell me I could do better.

Some highlights from the 1.5 episode. Yeah why did they need to do an hour & a half for the past 2 weeks? Why not just make last week’s premiere 2 hours and have a regular episode this week? It isn’t that big of a surprise that the CW is tanking as a network.
The first half hour of the episode had the girls doing their nude photo shoot. Jessica was freaking along with a couple of the other girls. You’re on Top Model, how could you not expect a nude photo shoot? It’s ridiculous.

Some of the poses looked quite elegant and in others they looked like they were doing a shoot for “$2 Whore Monthly”. Then there was Alasia sort of…I don’t know what photo, it was just weird. The first panel had Gabriella going home because she was vanilla, rather than fudge swirl. She’s going to make a great fashion director one day, but she’s not going to be a model.

The second episode had the girls learning to walk. I think they were all about 19 years late in learning this skill. Miss Jay, who is no longer a judge instructed them in the fine art of walking & taking their coat off at the same time. I think Alasia was also chewing gum because she couldn’t walk and I think she might have chocked herself with her jacket. The walking challenge had the girls crossing a busy intersection in New York taking their coats off and walking like they were on the runway. Jessica got a few looks from bystanders. Angelea looked like she was going to cut a bitch. Naduah thought she was impressing Jay. She thought wrong. Some guy on the street even thought she had a weird look on her face.

Since the girls learned to walk there was a runway challenge. The girls had to descend a flight of stairs and then cross a runway with 2 giant pendulums swing back & forth. They would be wearing outfits designed by Rachel Roy and the winner got to keep their outfit. I had no idea Rachel Roy was a designer too, I thought she was just a cook. Brenda won, great job, she got a dress.

Back home Alasia would not shut up, because she was awake and if she’s not sleeping she’s talking. Ren told her to Shut The Fudge Up (she didn’t really say Fudge) and Alasia lost her Snot (she did not lose her snot, it was something else). It was quite a sight.

There was a very odd photo challenge where the girls had to spray on some purple colored perfume that gradually disappeared while being pelted with wind & rain. That seems very…fashionable. The oddest thing happened. Naduah had a terrible photo and she went home. I have no idea how this happened. She’s bald, she was born into a cult and she has experience. How did she go home? Let’s talk about tonight’s participants.

Naduah
Cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult, cult. I just want to make sure you know that she was born into a cult. If she mentioned it more, then we might know about it. Naduah’s nude photo was mediocre but Tyra really, really built it up. I the last hour the producers pretty much pointed out that Naduah was a pretty big liar. She kept spinning stories that really made no sense. Plus every time she did some sort of “model” action she got this very odd look on her face. She supposedly had all of this experience but she really kind of sucked.

Jessica
She was first called at the first panel but she freaked out over the nude shoot. Grow up, you knew this was going to happen. Pull it together lady.

Simone & Tatiana
I literally have no notes on the 2 of these models. I actually saw Simone, but I think Tatiana might have gone home for the week.

Raina
During the Nude photo shoot she wanted to grab the largest accessory so she could cover her nudity. She needs to fight that instinct. She took some great photos and the judges seemed to really like her.

Krista
Skeletor took a good photo the 2nd time around. Her mouth at panel is going to get her kicked off.

Brenda
For having the “worst” body she looked fantastic naked. She should specialize in that. She can also walk since she won that challenge. What a dream woman. She can walk AND she looks good naked.

Alasia
Last week I said I liked her. I was so wrong. She was an insane mess. Shut up! SHUT UP! She never stops talking. Ren is a bitch, but she was right to tell her to zip it. She’s not a very good model and she has no idea how much she sucks.

Anslee
Striking photo during the purple paint perfume challenge. She did nothing else tonight.

Gabrielle
You sucked. See you later.

Angelea
Has not gotten any less angry. The judges loved her photos, but to me her faced looked dead each time. I don’t like her, I don’t se that changing.

Ren
Bitch. No other way to really describe her. She thinks she’s better & smarter than everyone else. She’s not. She acts all tough, but then she’s nothing but tears in the confessionals. Man up lady. If you’re going to bad mouth people at least take pride in it. She can’t leave soon enough for me.

Alexandra
She went down like an elevator with a broken cable. Let’s see. While she was descending the stairs in the runway challenge she slipped and went down hard. Then with anger and embarrassment seething within her she went down the runway only to have a pendulum nail her and knock her off the runway. Damn, it was like target practice.

I have to say I am happy that Miss Jay is no longer a judge. Previously he seemed to really play up his character, now he was actually teaching the girls something.

There was a new judge at panel. His name is Andre Leon Talley. He is a fashion big shot. No really, he is. Not a big shot in the fake Tyra sense of her calling someone a big shot. He is an actual big shot. At the first panel the judges were just ripping on Alasia. She had a bad photo, but they seemed to be ripping on her to be funny, rather than give any sort of constructive criticism. Andre jumped in and defended her. He won me over with that.

The new opening credit: GOOD GOD!

I leave you with this my purple perfume paint sprayers, will Alasia cut a bitch? It seems like that is what’s coming. Will Ren realize she isn’t always (almost never) the smartest person in the room. Will Raina learn to embrace her nudity? I can only hope.

Later Minions

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If you've got that burning itching feeling after reading this you can contact me at Maxx@tvfunspot.com
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[Erika]

Loved it

[Synnamin]

Me too! Loved it!

[Daniel]

Lol great article Maxx!

[Alrak]

Great article Maxx ! Too bad I missed the show this week. I am surprised Naduah left so soon. I guess I will have to try to find the video and see what happened.

[alexandra]

Naduah was in a cult? I didn't know

Great recap Maxx!

[bradsmokes]

hey synamin,,i am just looking for your post...