Bula FunSpot #14: Better Late Than Lisi

kungfuhippie · 05-23-2007, 02:06 AM

Bula FunSpot #14: Better Late Than Lisi!

Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army Knife!

A toast to another season of Survivor:

Sorry I'm late with this, the final episode of Bula FunSpot. After the Survivor finale I locked myself in a darkened room with all the alcohol I could find in the house and dealt with YauMan's failure to win in my own way. I have recently emerged feeling philosophical about the whole affair. Though I must admit, if I ever run into Dreamz, I'm going to give him the frowning of a lifetime.

Though I was set to do some Survivor Math for old times sake like this:

+

=

...but my negative feelings for Dreamz are starting to disappate a little. I'm a veteran of 14 seasons of Survivor now, plus various other Reality TV shows, and I'm no longer losing too much sleep when my favorite gets the the boot. I mean Dreamz is a jerk and all, and an idiot, and a liar...but YauMan will be alright. I don't think he wants a big ass truck anyway. Whats he going to tow anyway? 12,000 lbs of ping pong equipment? A lot of computer software? With gas at $3.50 a gallon, I don't think Yau's too sad to be missing out on that. Meanwhile Dreamz is sitting behind the wheel of his truck making "Vroom Vroom!" sounds, since he can't actually drive it. Maybe Boo can come out and act as chauffeur, at least until until the second place money is all gone.

So Earl the puppet master, Cassandra the friendly coat tail rider and Dreamz the crazy backstabber go to the final tribal council. We know how they played the game, and the final result is a rating of their performances. So I'm here to rate the jury. My rating system, which I just made up right now, consists of two parts. First is the eloquence rating, which takes into account such things as the appropriateness of the jury members question, poise, class, wit, charm and simple coherence. The flip side is the Hawk rating, which is a measure of the bitterness, anger, and just plain craziness of the jury member. Each is rated out of ten points. A score of 20 points is next to impossible to acheive given that the two parts of the rating are virtual opposites. So here we go, with Rate-a-Juror!

- Michelle is first up. She asks a rather lame question about what was the biggest hardship of the game. This is one of those throw-away questions that people who have already decided who should win ask. No one cares about the answer to this. You may as well ask "what's your favorite flavour of ice cream?" or "do you prefer bunnies or kitties?" Now I love Michelle...but as a juror...she doesn't rate too highly. Eloquence rating: 3, Hawk rating 0, for a total of 3 points.

- Edgardo asks just one question. How did Earl find out about the Four Horsemen's Idol? A simple, to the point question designed to show Dreamz in a bad light. Pretty successful too. Eloquence rating: If Brevity is the soul of wit, then not bad Ed; Eloquence Rating: 5, Hawk rating: You can't fool me, I know you were plenty pissed; 3 - total 8 points, not bad for such a quick appearance!

- Next up, Mookie! He expands on Ed's question, going after Dreamz a little more. You can tell he's entirely choked, but he sort of half hides it. Eloquence rating: 4, Hawk rating: 4. 8 points for you Mook!

- Hats off to our next Juror, Alex! He's in fine Sue Hawk form. Evidentally he specialized in psycho law at Harvard. How did this loony graduate? He is apparently not too interested in any answers, but he is loving hearing himself talk. Dreamz might say he's giving a good old shaquayah. STOP TALKING!!! Riddle me this! (air quotes) "My Friend" Not sure if this is good news for a lawyer...but you get a Eloquence rating of 1, Hawk rating of 9. 10 points is pretty good. Not exactly Atticus Finch stuff, but it's something.

- Lisi now has to try to top Alex's score. Now we know she's a little less than serene at the best of times from her past behavior, so she may give it a go here. By the way, on the subject of Lisi, just by way of a public service announcement, I would just recommend that you DO NOT go to Lisi's myspace page if you posess delicate sensibilities or are easily disturbed. In particular, DO NOT listen to, or watch the video of a little ditty of hers entitled "Tightie Whities", wherein she performs in a style akin to a poor mans Peaches (wouldn't a poor man's Peaches be nectarines? Or maybe bananas, theyre always cheap! Bananas, actually, would be a great stage name for Lisi, given that its a pretty accurate discription of her apparent mental state.) Suffice it to say she rhymes elevator with vibrator, and goes on from there. If you can handle it then you can make the call. Postpunk neofeminist diva or talentless, egomaniacal buffoon? I know where I stand on this one!

Anyway Lisi spouts nothing but nonsense, asking Dreamz how many zeros in a million. I have no idea why she asks this, unless of course she genuinely wanted to know. She did seem to be a little unclear on the answer. I guess maybe she was a little disappointed that Dreamz answered correctly, so I was sort of expecting her to go, "okay then, what's the square root of seven hundred and sixteen thousand, four hundred and ninety two and three quarters? Huh? Huh?!?" Instead she starts freaking out on Cassandra for her...shoes? Whatever, she's nuts. Unfortunately her incoherent babbling result in a poor Eloquence rating of 0, however, she does pretty well with a Hawk rating of 9.9! So, total of 9.9. Not bad for a clearly insane person.

- Stacy's question is not that bad really. She asks Earl why the she shouldn't vote for Dreamz based on need. Which gives Earl a chance to make a good arguement. So, E.R. of 5 H.R of 0. Total score; 5 points.

- Crazy Rocky is next, and he jabbers away in his own inimitable style. Despite being a little prickly he's not bad, maybe a bit of a jerk to Cassandra. He nets an E.R of 5 and an H.R. of 6. Rocky takes the lead with 11 points.

- Boo now comes up and starts preachifying to Dreamz about being a good Christian. But he gives props to Yau and puts Dreamz on the hot seat over the truck deal, and Im glad someone did that, so Boo's E.R. is 6 and his H.R. is 6, so, a new leader with 12 points!

- Last juror up is YauMan himself. He tells Dreamz to enjoy the truck and is pretty nice about the whole thing. I'm giving him an E.R of 8 and a H.R of 2, 'cause you can tell he's a little bit cheesed. 10 points for you Yau! Looks like Boo wins something after all! Congrats Boo, you're the top juror of Survivor Fiji!

The reunion show is alright. I'm just thankful Bryant Gumbel doesnt host them any more. There's a large focus on Dreamz and the truck thing, which I understand, it was a pretty big issue. But Dreamz just has to keep lying that he never intended to keep his word. Which nobody believes. The big thing I notice at the reunion, which I have observed at all the reunions, is that in general, the women look better here, and the men look better on the Island. The guys all get fat or weird looking. Notable exceptions this time are Edgardo , who pretty much looks the same. And Lisi, who does as well. Which isn't a good thing for Lisi.

And thats about it. I did find a few left over Bony Awards when I was cleaning out the Bula office. I guess Earl can have one for winning the whole thing. I'll give one to YauMan, after all, he was my favorite and was a pretty entertaining character. Boo and Michelle can have one, I liked them. Oh wait, I'll just take a sharpie here and write "Survivor Fiji Villain" on a few of these; now Lisi and Alex and Rocky can take those. I'd do one for Dreamz, but he already got a truck, so he doesnt need this. I saved the last batch of Bonys for some people I need to thank. That would be all the contributors to Bula FunSpot over the season who helped with great opinions, humour, and visuals. So thanks to Alexandra, Dennis, toque, coksy, Jahim, Kraziladi, CFK, and especially Erika, who repeatedly, and I'm talking every week here, responded to my late night requests for amusing screencaps. To all of you thanks so much! Your virtual Bonys, suitable for display in the trophy case of your mind, are on their way . Thanks also to everyone who read and/or commented on Bula over the season. Your support is appreciated! That's all from Fiji! Bula, y'all! See ya in China, I guess...Néih hóu FunSpot anyone?

Last chance... kungfuhippie@tvfunspot.com

For More Survivor Fiji News visit SirLinksalot: Survivor Fiji
http://www.sirlinksalot.net/survivorfiji.html
Pictures Obtained from CBS.com and Google

alexandra · 05-23-2007, 09:04 PM

Aw well Bula is coming to an end

great job kungfu, always something to look forward to
*****
Kungfu: Michelle, what is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Michelle: I would rather you had asked me the bunnies and kitties question, you know
Kungfu: oh alright, Do you prefer bunnies or kitties?
Dreamz: SNAKES AND RATS! SNAKES AND RATS
Yauman: ohh dreams don't get me started on that. Remember the truck I gave you, oh I guess you forget
Lisi: Check out my myspace!
Kungfu: OH MY. i think my job here is done
*****
btw kungfu, so how did you find out about lisi's myspace? you didnt happen to watch that video did you? You would have the courage to do that?! the further the way I am from Lisi, the better it seems

and If you want anyone to frowning upon Dreams with, Ill tag along, anyone else joining in the fun?!!?

as for yau -- to bad he didnt win, but I think he is pretty much unforgettable. If any fijian finds Yau-mans faux idol let me know. NOW THAT would be funny.

anyway Loved bula and

Cheers Kungfu, see you in China

Erika · 05-23-2007, 10:57 PM

It was an eventful season of Survivor for sure! Thank you so much for sharing your witty take on everything! Cheers to BULA and Kungfuhippie

Kraziladi · 05-23-2007, 11:38 PM

Bravo as always!

Thank you for providing a funny quirky side to the drama of Survivor this year! I know that it takes alot of time to write every week and you were exceptional!

BULA!

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05-23-2007, 02:06 AM	#1
kungfuhippie Understood Genius Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 10,053 Gender: Male Casino Cash: $350600 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 27	Bula FunSpot #14: Better Late Than Lisi Bula FunSpot #14: Better Late Than Lisi! Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army Knife! A toast to another season of Survivor: Sorry I'm late with this, the final episode of Bula FunSpot. After the Survivor finale I locked myself in a darkened room with all the alcohol I could find in the house and dealt with YauMan's failure to win in my own way. I have recently emerged feeling philosophical about the whole affair. Though I must admit, if I ever run into Dreamz, I'm going to give him the frowning of a lifetime. Though I was set to do some Survivor Math for old times sake like this: + + + = ...but my negative feelings for Dreamz are starting to disappate a little. I'm a veteran of 14 seasons of Survivor now, plus various other Reality TV shows, and I'm no longer losing too much sleep when my favorite gets the the boot. I mean Dreamz is a jerk and all, and an idiot, and a liar...but YauMan will be alright. I don't think he wants a big ass truck anyway. Whats he going to tow anyway? 12,000 lbs of ping pong equipment? A lot of computer software? With gas at $3.50 a gallon, I don't think Yau's too sad to be missing out on that. Meanwhile Dreamz is sitting behind the wheel of his truck making "Vroom Vroom!" sounds, since he can't actually drive it. Maybe Boo can come out and act as chauffeur, at least until until the second place money is all gone. So Earl the puppet master, Cassandra the friendly coat tail rider and Dreamz the crazy backstabber go to the final tribal council. We know how they played the game, and the final result is a rating of their performances. So I'm here to rate the jury. My rating system, which I just made up right now, consists of two parts. First is the eloquence rating, which takes into account such things as the appropriateness of the jury members question, poise, class, wit, charm and simple coherence. The flip side is the Hawk rating, which is a measure of the bitterness, anger, and just plain craziness of the jury member. Each is rated out of ten points. A score of 20 points is next to impossible to acheive given that the two parts of the rating are virtual opposites. So here we go, with Rate-a-Juror! - Michelle is first up. She asks a rather lame question about what was the biggest hardship of the game. This is one of those throw-away questions that people who have already decided who should win ask. No one cares about the answer to this. You may as well ask "what's your favorite flavour of ice cream?" or "do you prefer bunnies or kitties?" Now I love Michelle...but as a juror...she doesn't rate too highly. Eloquence rating: 3, Hawk rating 0, for a total of 3 points. - Edgardo asks just one question. How did Earl find out about the Four Horsemen's Idol? A simple, to the point question designed to show Dreamz in a bad light. Pretty successful too. Eloquence rating: If Brevity is the soul of wit, then not bad Ed; Eloquence Rating: 5, Hawk rating: You can't fool me, I know you were plenty pissed; 3 - total 8 points, not bad for such a quick appearance! - Next up, Mookie! He expands on Ed's question, going after Dreamz a little more. You can tell he's entirely choked, but he sort of half hides it. Eloquence rating: 4, Hawk rating: 4. 8 points for you Mook! - Hats off to our next Juror, Alex! He's in fine Sue Hawk form. Evidentally he specialized in psycho law at Harvard. How did this loony graduate? He is apparently not too interested in any answers, but he is loving hearing himself talk. Dreamz might say he's giving a good old shaquayah. STOP TALKING!!! Riddle me this! (air quotes) "My Friend" Not sure if this is good news for a lawyer...but you get a Eloquence rating of 1, Hawk rating of 9. 10 points is pretty good. Not exactly Atticus Finch stuff, but it's something. - Lisi now has to try to top Alex's score. Now we know she's a little less than serene at the best of times from her past behavior, so she may give it a go here. By the way, on the subject of Lisi, just by way of a public service announcement, I would just recommend that you DO NOT go to Lisi's myspace page if you posess delicate sensibilities or are easily disturbed. In particular, DO NOT listen to, or watch the video of a little ditty of hers entitled "Tightie Whities", wherein she performs in a style akin to a poor mans Peaches (wouldn't a poor man's Peaches be nectarines? Or maybe bananas, theyre always cheap! Bananas, actually, would be a great stage name for Lisi, given that its a pretty accurate discription of her apparent mental state.) Suffice it to say she rhymes elevator with vibrator, and goes on from there. If you can handle it then you can make the call. Postpunk neofeminist diva or talentless, egomaniacal buffoon? I know where I stand on this one! Anyway Lisi spouts nothing but nonsense, asking Dreamz how many zeros in a million. I have no idea why she asks this, unless of course she genuinely wanted to know. She did seem to be a little unclear on the answer. I guess maybe she was a little disappointed that Dreamz answered correctly, so I was sort of expecting her to go, "okay then, what's the square root of seven hundred and sixteen thousand, four hundred and ninety two and three quarters? Huh? Huh?!?" Instead she starts freaking out on Cassandra for her...shoes? Whatever, she's nuts. Unfortunately her incoherent babbling result in a poor Eloquence rating of 0, however, she does pretty well with a Hawk rating of 9.9! So, total of 9.9. Not bad for a clearly insane person. - Stacy's question is not that bad really. She asks Earl why the she shouldn't vote for Dreamz based on need. Which gives Earl a chance to make a good arguement. So, E.R. of 5 H.R of 0. Total score; 5 points. - Crazy Rocky is next, and he jabbers away in his own inimitable style. Despite being a little prickly he's not bad, maybe a bit of a jerk to Cassandra. He nets an E.R of 5 and an H.R. of 6. Rocky takes the lead with 11 points. - Boo now comes up and starts preachifying to Dreamz about being a good Christian. But he gives props to Yau and puts Dreamz on the hot seat over the truck deal, and Im glad someone did that, so Boo's E.R. is 6 and his H.R. is 6, so, a new leader with 12 points! - Last juror up is YauMan himself. He tells Dreamz to enjoy the truck and is pretty nice about the whole thing. I'm giving him an E.R of 8 and a H.R of 2, 'cause you can tell he's a little bit cheesed. 10 points for you Yau! Looks like Boo wins something after all! Congrats Boo, you're the top juror of Survivor Fiji! The reunion show is alright. I'm just thankful Bryant Gumbel doesnt host them any more. There's a large focus on Dreamz and the truck thing, which I understand, it was a pretty big issue. But Dreamz just has to keep lying that he never intended to keep his word. Which nobody believes. The big thing I notice at the reunion, which I have observed at all the reunions, is that in general, the women look better here, and the men look better on the Island. The guys all get fat or weird looking. Notable exceptions this time are Edgardo , who pretty much looks the same. And Lisi, who does as well. Which isn't a good thing for Lisi. And thats about it. I did find a few left over Bony Awards when I was cleaning out the Bula office. I guess Earl can have one for winning the whole thing. I'll give one to YauMan, after all, he was my favorite and was a pretty entertaining character. Boo and Michelle can have one, I liked them. Oh wait, I'll just take a sharpie here and write "Survivor Fiji Villain" on a few of these; now Lisi and Alex and Rocky can take those. I'd do one for Dreamz, but he already got a truck, so he doesnt need this. I saved the last batch of Bonys for some people I need to thank. That would be all the contributors to Bula FunSpot over the season who helped with great opinions, humour, and visuals. So thanks to Alexandra, Dennis, toque, coksy, Jahim, Kraziladi, CFK, and especially Erika, who repeatedly, and I'm talking every week here, responded to my late night requests for amusing screencaps. To all of you thanks so much! Your virtual Bonys, suitable for display in the trophy case of your mind, are on their way . Thanks also to everyone who read and/or commented on Bula over the season. Your support is appreciated! That's all from Fiji! Bula, y'all! See ya in China, I guess...Néih hóu FunSpot anyone? Last chance... kungfuhippie@tvfunspot.com For More Survivor Fiji News visit SirLinksalot: Survivor Fiji http://www.sirlinksalot.net/survivorfiji.html Pictures Obtained from CBS.com and Google Last edited by kungfuhippie; 05-25-2007 at 07:10 PM..

05-23-2007, 09:04 PM	#2
alexandra Game Host Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,341 Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba Gender: Female Casino Cash: $616370 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 9	Aw well Bula is coming to an end great job kungfu, always something to look forward to *** Kungfu: Michelle, what is your favorite ice cream flavor? Michelle: I would rather you had asked me the bunnies and kitties question, you know Kungfu: oh alright, Do you prefer bunnies or kitties? Dreamz: SNAKES AND RATS! SNAKES AND RATS Yauman: ohh dreams don't get me started on that. Remember the truck I gave you, oh I guess you forget Lisi: Check out my myspace! Kungfu: OH MY. i think my job here is done *** btw kungfu, so how did you find out about lisi's myspace? you didnt happen to watch that video did you? You would have the courage to do that?! the further the way I am from Lisi, the better it seems and If you want anyone to frowning upon Dreams with, Ill tag along, anyone else joining in the fun?!!? as for yau -- to bad he didnt win, but I think he is pretty much unforgettable. If any fijian finds Yau-mans faux idol let me know. NOW THAT would be funny. anyway Loved bula and Cheers Kungfu, see you in China

05-23-2007, 10:57 PM	#3
Erika FunSpot Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 20,870 Gender: Female Casino Cash: $812535 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 26	It was an eventful season of Survivor for sure! Thank you so much for sharing your witty take on everything! Cheers to BULA and Kungfuhippie

05-23-2007, 11:38 PM	#4
Kraziladi UP UP & AWAY Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,581 Location: IN THE AIR Age: 31 Gender: Female Casino Cash: $70950 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 10	Bravo as always! Thank you for providing a funny quirky side to the drama of Survivor this year! I know that it takes alot of time to write every week and you were exceptional! BULA!

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