The Amazing Race 13 - Thank God That Guy Likes Doughnuts

[MaxxFisher]

Thank God That Guy Likes Doughnuts

Greetings my loyal minions, Maxx Fisher here.

The race is over. They’ve traveled over 2 million miles, visited 47 countries and 106 cities, but it’s finally over (those numbers may be wrong, I made them up). What I always wonder about is how the producers choose the city they are going to end the race in. To me, to make it a real world-wide race, you end in the city you started in. So if you end in Portland, you should have started in Portland, or vice versa. That’s just my take on things. Maybe Dan & Andrew thought the race was ending in Los Angelus since that’s where it started. That would explain their poor showing tonight, but more on that later.

The show started in Moscow with a bunch at the airport and all the teams making their way to Portland, OR on the same flight. We learned in this little interval that Ken loves Portland, maybe because all his memories of the place do not involve Tina. Tina sees a change in Ken’s eyes, she can trust him now. I don’t see it. I mean Tina couldn’t even trust him to look at photos tonight, more on that later too.

Once the racers arrived in Portland, Nick & Starr were the first out of the airport and the first in a taxi with Dandrew leaving last and this was the beginning of the end for the Frat Guys. They had a cab driver that did not know where he was going, wouldn’t drive over 45 and when he was in the right place, he drove past it. This was a real obstacle to the guys and they were just never able to get past it. Maybe the cab driver wasn’t really the problem, maybe they were and the editors were showing mercy on the guys, but I doubt that. I’m not even going to mention Dan and Andrew again in the article because I think they just finished the race about an hour ago. I would like to thank them though for giving me the biggest laugh I had all season with that “marching” they did. Bravo guys.

In Portland the racers’ first destination is a park where they must do their Detour
High & Dry: Climb up a tree, walk across a beam and then jump to a trapeze and retrieve part of their clue
Low & Wet: Walk across an 800 ft (making that number up again, but it was long) long floating log bridge.

All the teams chose High & Dry which didn’t really make much sense with Ken & Tina since she famously said before that she is afraid of heights. Ken & Tina were there first as I said and Ken got his done fairly quickly when Nick & Starr showed up. Nick climbed his tree like a spider monkey on crack and flew through the air to get that clue. While he was doing that Tina started her climb, but her helmet kept falling & shifting. It kept falling off the back of her head, but the strap was still around her neck. At this point Starr had started her climb, passed Tina and got the clue. Tina finally gets to the top of the tree to cross the beam and Ken tells her to just toss the helmet, but she can’t get the strap un-done. Ken is trying to get her to go faster, but she’s having none of that. Ken better not yell at her like that. That’s for her to do to him. Any yelling on the Ken & Tina team will be directed at him thank you very much. At this point she asks if Nick & Starr have passed her and Ken gives her the bad news. She finally gets around to grabbing the clue and they take off on the heels of Nick & Starr.

The racers are to make their way to the Bridge of the Gods. I was not really impressed with the bridge. If you’re going to name yourself something like “Bridge of the Gods” it better lead to Asgard or something. Nick & Starr’s cab overshoots the exit to the bridge so that gives Ken & Tina the opportunity to pass them by. In the cab to the bridge though, Ken & Tina do the Dr. Evil “1 Million Dollars” thing with their pinkies, so I want them gone. Like right now.

At the bridge the racers have to take a zip-line 2000 ft over the water to their next clue. Tina goes first even though she’s afraid of heights. You did know she’s afraid of heights right? I don’t know if she mentioned it or not. While Ken was waiting for his turn on the zip-line Nick & Starr show up, but I guess a zip-line across 2000 ft takes forever because this gave Ken & Tina quite a lead on the next task. There was a large board with 10 slots representing the 10 legs of the race up to that point. There were various symbols in each slot, Road Block, Fast Forward, Detour, Pit Stop etc. You had to search through 150 clue boxes to find a picture that matched each clue. Ken & Tina had gotten 3 right before Nick & Starr got a chance to start. Needless to say, Nick & Starr passed Ken & Tina, probably because they actually worked together. Ken & Tina kind of worked together, Ken had to show the pictures to Tina before they could move on, and Tina could look at the pictures by herself without consulting Ken. Nick & Starr did finish first, but Ken & Tina weren’t far behind.

With the task completed the teams had to take a cab to downtown Portland and look for a green dinosaur. Ken & Tina, pass, Nick & Starr, Nick & Starr pass Ken & Tina during the taxi rides. Ken & Tina basically follow the siblings until they get downtown then they break off, which was probably not a good idea. Ken & Tina run into traffic while Nick & Starr find the building with the dinosaur. Once Ken & Tina make it to the building Nick & Starr pull some stealthy hiding moves in order to get around the married couple and make their way to Adler Street and find the Food Pod of the country they were last in (Russia). Tina, who never met a fight she didn’t want to start, was berating ken that they weren’t at the right building, even though they were directly in front of it. Once they got directions they found the clue and also made their way to the food pods.

Nick & Starr get the clue from the Russian food pod that tells them to go to the place where “the magic is in the hole”. Now all of you get your minds out of the gutter. Nick & Starr asked several people if they knew what the clue met. A woman sitting at a table on the corner wasn’t sure, but a nearby man said it might be Voodoo Doughnuts. And he was right, he gave Nick & Starr directions and off they went. Ken & Tina came by a few minutes later and the SAME woman that wasn’t much help to Nick & Starr was tremendous help to the married couple. She told them where to go and told them another team was just there, but they had taken the long way to the doughnut shop. While running to get to the shop a car almost hits Tina and she yells at Ken because he warned her about it. I guess he was just slowing her down. Needless to say Nick & Star got their first, got their clue and then could not find a cab. The editing showed that Ken & Tina got their clue and also had a hard time finding a cab.

It was right here that we had one of the most shocking moments of the race. Over Nick’s shoulder I saw that gas was $4.11 per gallon. OH MY GOD!!! It’s hard to believe gas was that much. I mean right now it’s $1.59 for me. Nick & Starr grab a taxi & Tell their driver they’ll give him $70 to get them to the address fast. He was a little concerned because the 2 of them looked like they were about to drop dead in the back of the cab. Ken & Tina got their cab and prayed for a good outcome. Ken also said that the sprint to the finish line was going to be the last time he’d run in his life.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Nick & Starr finished first and were the winners of The Amazing Race, with Ken & Tina coming in second. Even though they weren’t the winners, Ken & Tina stole the spotlight when, in tears, Ken took out their wedding rings, put his on and asked Tina to put hers on because he would like to make another go at it. It was a very sweet moment, even Phil had a little something in his eye. You know who didn’t cry though, Dan & Andrew, because they finished the race just after Thanksgiving.

I leave you with this, my delicious Voodoo Doughnuts, do you think Starr will share some of her money with her boyfriend Dallas? Will Ken & Tina still be together in the post show interviews you’ll read tomorrow? Has their fraternity expelled Dan & Andrew? Until Next Season, visit Voodoo Doughnuts, they look delicious.

Later Minions

If you've got that burning itching feeling after reading this you can contact me at Maxx@tvfunspot.com

For More Amazing Race News visit: SirLinksalot: The Amazing Race

Images are Property of CBS, but CBS & I are tight so they let me borrow them.

[jERZYGRL]

I guess Dallas & Toni were still stuck in Russia without passports for the finale?

[angelfan]

Very good maxx!

[kungfuhippie]

You know what I never get tired of? Sarcasm! That's why I enjoyed your recaps all season long Very funny and informative,Maxx.
I agree with Dandrew's marching. They showed a little clip of it last night and it was still as funny as ever
And thanks for the link to Voodoo Doughnuts! I wonder if I have time to place an order for logo t shirts and panties for everyone on my Christmas list?

[Ladytex]

lol, good one Maxx

[zdorama]

Thank you for mentioning (in perfect words, I might add) About how that fat lady wasn't eny help to Nick and Starr, but was a HUGE help to Tina and Ken. Gads, that BUGGED ME!

It's been fun! Now that the race is over, I'll miss checking up on these cutting sarcastic reviews of the show.

Good Work, Maxx~!

[Synnamin]

Good job Hunny!!!!

[Padilla]

Yeah, Dallas + Toni were still stranded in Russia.
They got their passports back at the U.S. Embry, and got home.
Though they didn't get home untill night time of the Finale, so they missed it.
That's why Dallas and Toni weren't there.
And now, Starr and Dallas are dating. Though only Long Distance, it's been going on for about 6 months now.

[toque]

Fantastic recap Maxx!

I was always so impressed at how quickly you got these done... and they were always clever and funny. Thanks for a great year of recaps!!

I have Dan's marching on my youtube favourites... and my kids have become expert Dan marcherrs. But I have to give those two credit, their humility at the end was refreshing, especially when you have all these people who get bitter because they feel entitled.

[Padilla]

Originally Posted by MaxxFisher

It was right here that we had one of the most shocking moments of the race. Over Nick’s shoulder I saw that gas was $4.11 per gallon. OH MY GOD!!! It’s hard to believe gas was that much. I mean right now it’s $1.59 for me.

Neener Neener Neener!
It's only 84 Cents here!

[DiamondAura]

it's only 68.9 here but we don't pay per gallon so convert it i guess lmao