Big Brother Week 1, Part 1

[cowchpotaytoe]

Big Brother Week 1, Part 1

(The theme music plays as pictures of the brand new houseguests float by in the opening sequence accompanied by names. The houseguests are engaged in conversation or laughing and having a good time. The opening credits end with a large panorama of the houseguests standing outside the Big Brother house and the words "Big Brother 7.5: The Bold and the Bizarre" are seen. The screen comes up black and white showing scenes of the last episode, with a burly narrator summing up past events.)

(The cameras begin on Ethel and Boris outside, laying side by side on the grass. Boris smiles at Ethel, who is wrapping her boa around Boris' snake, Judith. The boa'd boa looks uncomfortable.)

BORIS: *on his board* ...Alliance?

ETHEL: *sits up immediately* Yes! You better believe it babydoll! We're gonna be final two!

BORIS: This means a lot to me, friend. I have never met another who has accepted me so quickly. It is an amazing feeling.

ETHEL: Aw babydoll... I'm here for ya. I don't find many people out there who are willing to become friends with an old bat like myself. When people get old, they're cast aside. They become old farts... so I decided that I'm gonna be a crazy lady so that I don't grow into elderliness like all those other oldies out there! I'm not gonna let it get to me babe! And you shouldn't either... By the way, I'm Ethel. What's yours, butter-biscuit?

BORIS: I am Boris.

ETHEL: Great, Boris! We're gonna get along like crazy! And take this house by storm! WOO!

(Back in the Pyramid Room (PR) remain what seems to be the only level-headed houseguests: Mark, Tarah, Suzy, and Tammy.)

TARAH: *walking up behind Mark, who is unpacking clothes then tapping his shoulder and outstretching her hand* Hi. I'm Tarah. And you're fine.

MARK: *with a burst of laughter* Good lord. Hey there, I'm Mark. Pleased to meet you. *He turns around still chuckling*

(Tarah is appauled and stunned that Mark did not find interest in her. Quickly something inside her clicks, and she understands why. With a sly smile, she silently walks back to her luggage and unpacks.)

TAMMY: I'd just like to let ya'll know that I'm very pleased to be here. I can't wait to get to know ya'll and I hope we can have a blast. I'm Tammy, by the way. I'm probably going to be the resident momma. Cooking, cleaning, giving love to my babies *big laugh*... I'm totally used to it.

SUZY: And I am Suzy. Hewwo evwywun. Vewy pweased to meet you aw.

TARAH: *very innocent-like* I used to have a speech problem like yours when I was younger, Suzy. But luckily daddy got my a speech therapist and now I talk normal. And, hey Tammy, you should try on some of my ponchos and see if you like them. Fat women like you look good in ponchos.

TAMMY: *extremely hurt but trying to find the words* Oh...um...thank you honey. *sits down on her bed and begins to cry, shielding herself from the others*

(Suzy continues to unpack, unsure whether to start up conversation again. Tarah puts down a pair of fuzzy pink loafers and is startled when Lady, her teacup yorkie, leaps out of her luggage and attacks them, ripping them to shreds. Tarah gushes and picks up the pooch, squeezing it intensely. Lady's mouth is covered in pink fuzz.)

MARK: Whoa! You had a dog in there? Oh my gosh... *petting her head* she's a cutie.

TARAH: *raises eyebrow* Cutie? Honey, that settles it. We need to talk. Come with me. *Tarah walks out of the PR with Mark's hand in hers. There are now in a hallway near the front doors.*

MARK: I'm confused. What did I say?

TARAH: Look, you monstrously beautiful creature. I'm an experienced ***-Hag and I know that you're a homo. And I want to be best friends with you. It's that simple. You've got all the signs: you're attractive, sweet, you like cute puppies, and you're not attracted to me. You're a card-carrying member of the Gay Mafia, sweetie. *pats his cheek*

MARK: *Laughs out loud* Geez. You're pretty good.

TARAH: Now why didn't you just say it from the beginning? It would have saved me some thinking. I need my precious brain cells. And though daddy would, he can't buy me more.

MARK: Well... it's not who I am. I mean, it's a quality of myself. But, I really don't want to be known as that token gay guy, you know? I just want to be myself and if people find out about it in the process, then... that's okay I guess. But it's just a quality. Like how my eyes are green and that I like mountain biking.

TARAH: Okay sweetie. But it was really tough for me to figure it out and I've got extremely advanced Gay-dar. So the straight-guy act needs to stop - which means more Prada, more pink, more Project Runway and less mountain bikes and masculinity. 'Kay sweetie?

MARK: Hey. I am myself. I'm never trying to be anyone else. I'm Mark and I just so happen to be gay. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of my life accomplisments. And I know my God is proud of me. So, look, sweetheart, I'm willing to be your friend... but if you're going to try to change me - change who I am - then this friendship won't go far.

TARAH: *Laughs* Well, I don't know much about what you're talking about. But I'm willing to learn... Let's stick by each other. Maybe you'd be willing to learn about fashion and I'd be willing to learn about loving thyself... or some s^*& like that.

(Back in the Pyramid Room, Tammy is sitting on her bed, crying silently. Suzy looks up and noticed this. Her mouth drops.)

SUZY: Tammy, awe you okay? What's wong sweetie? *She sits down next to Tammy on her bed.*

TAMMY: It's just.... what that young lady said before she left... she mentioned my weight. And I know I'm fat. I know ya'll see that first. I know people can't get past the thick layers of my body to see my heart - to see me. I'm just a fat woman to lots of folk.

SUZY: Aww... shhh.. You awe beautifuw. I see it. And honey, it's not something that you awe alone in. I wuk with teenagews. And they aww stwuggle with theiw insecuwities. But you need to wuv youwself. Embwace youw fawts. I've got my own issues that make me sad - things I don't wike to wet peopo know. But evwyone's got em. And I gawantee... you'w find that many of these stwong pewsonalities that you awe shawing this house with wiw show what hewts them most. Hang in thewe sweetie.

TAMMY: I dunno... I guess you're right. But only time'll tell. I'm just scared Suzy. What if I don't fit in?

SUZY: Well, then you wiw have a fwend wike me to come to when things get wo. I know how you feew sweetie. Twust me.

(Meanwhile, the Oyster Room (OR) was crowded with Claire, Mel, and Ginger fighting for usage of the bed.)

CLAIRE: I ain't sharing no bed with two filthy-a** mother******s like yaselves! I want my own damn bed and I want my own damn room. I ain't sharing this s*** with no 4-year-old, and no red-head bimbo.

MEL: Man, you need to shut your trap 'for I walk underneath you and reveal to America what STDs you got. I ain't no kid. I'm a full-grown man... minus the growth part.

GINGER: And I'm not a bimbo!....Anymore.

CLAIRE: I don't care what any of you are. I want this bed to myself! *seeing that neither is budging* That's it. I'm outta here. Big Brother's gotta get its a** handed to it on a silver platter. *Claire tears her way through the room, throwing plush oysters against the walls. She makes her way to the diary room (DR)*

Originally Posted by Claire

First of all, Big Brother, this room is gross as hell. It looks like Care Bears from Hell. Anyway, listen up, ****ers. What's the s*** about giving us only like 8 beds for like a million damn houseguests?! I ain't sharing beds with none of these filthy s***s. I get my own room or I'm outta here. Ya hear?

(Meanwhile, Ginger and Mel get to know each other better)

GINGER: You know, you're really cute! Sorry, I can't help saying that. I've just never met a.... tiny person... before.

MEL: Well, okay. I don't want you making a big deal of it. Cuz even though I've learned to live with it, other people can't get over it. Just dont go on and on about how 'cute' it is. Cuz then a b**** is gonna get smacked upside the head.

GINGER: I would never do that! I've worked with all types of men... I mean, people... in the past. I've had big; I've had small... co-workers, I mean. So, I can totally relate. I bet you've got a big heart. And I'm sure I'll learn that. Especially because we're going to be the final two. *giggles*

MEL: So, you want an alliance huh? Let's forget that Claire b****. Man, I tell ya. B**** is nuts.

(Loudspeakers sound. 'Houseguests: HoH in 15 minutes. Be ready!' Many houseguests scramble to get their things unpacked and still some others remain unmoved. In the Stripe Room (SR) tension is high.)

BENJI: Hell f*****' yes!! First HoH, b****es! It's gonna be Benji and you will all bow to his muscular wonder. All hot chicks will be promoted to bedmates and all uglies will be evicted and exterminated. Rock on!!!

(Larry silently unpacks his clothes but continues to look back at Spencer who is sitting on his bed chanting, shooting a death stare in Larry's direction. Larry's anger is mounting. Benji continues to hoot and holler.)

LUNA: *To Benji* I'm going to have to ask you to kindly shut up.

BENJI: *Stopping his erratic movements and outbursts* Excuse me? The creature speaks? This beast isn't even fit to be a chick. She is filthy and ragged. She will probably die alone, worshipping Satan and listening to Evanescence.

LUNA: Listen. You can't upset me. It's impossible. So, I suggest you stop. I know who I am. You don't. The end.

BENJI: You think you are smarter than Benji? We'll let the HoH competition prove that. Put up your dukes, goth-b****. *Hears an outburst and turns his head*

LARRY: Look, you little alien a**hole. Quit it wit the chantin'. Quit it wit the starin'. Or I'll knock that damn smirk right off your spiky-haired face. Why can't you be normal like the rest of America? You too, ya crazy punk kid. *point at Luna* With your punk music and your wrist-slashin' and your feelin' sorry for yourselfs. Bunch o' hooey, if y'ask me.

SPENCER: I am normal. I live up to all alien guidelines and standards. I am a role model to all alien-kind. I suggest you re-evaluate.

LUNA: May I ask. What exactly is normal?

(Larry has no answer. He gets frustrated and mumbles to himself. He ignores the two 'freaks' and takes out some folded sweaters and lays them out on his bed. Benji does some random exercises against the furniture. Percy walks by the door to the SR.)

PERCY: Well hello there, folks. Just one question for you, my friends. Just one. Didn't they say that the HoH competition was gonna start in 10 minutes... Why 15 now?

(LaSandra overhears the conversation from the bathroom area, where she has been staring at herself in the mirror for over 10 minutes. She peeks out and answers.)

LaSANDRA: Have you no knowledge of this televised program? Big Brother will change its rules on a whim. Like myself, it is far superior than the reality shows that it competes with on the air. Therefore, it can afford to lie to its watchers.

PERCY: Well, I've been treated nothing but special since I signed up for this thing. So Big Brother has been good to me. Very good. I only hope I will be the winner of this HoH. That would make this old man's heart jump for joy!

BENJI: Unfortunately, old wrinkly guy, Benji will taking home the prize. If you've ever met him, he's pretty awesome. And you're probably blind if you have, because his vast sexicity is more radiant than a thousand suns.

LaSANDRA: Urchin, kindly cease to speak. You offer nothing intelligent or of high class to any conversation. And it is common knowledge that the first HoH will go to myself. I am far superior in my skills to all of you.

(Jordan is lounging on the bed and stirs abruptly. Joanne arises with him as he joins the group near the SR door chatting. He begins to sign violently at the other houseguests. They are confused.)

JOANNE: He says that he will crush any and all obstacles in this HoH competition. *Larry is confused at Joanne's interpretations*

LARRY: Why the hell can't the boy speak for himself? Why you gotta sign for him like he's dumb or somethin'?

BENJI: Benji thinks he's retarded. What's his name, sexy mama?

JOANNE: That is Jordan. He's not stupid. Or retarded... *flashing a disgusted look at Benji* He's deaf and uses sign language to communicate. Unfortunately, I'm the only one here who speaks sign language fluently. I'm Joanne, his interpreter. He's often very shy, but he is a very deep human being once you get to know him.

LUNA: *From inside the SR, barely audible* I also speak sign language. Don't ask why, but I do.

JOANNE: *Surprised* O wow! You and Jordan should get along great! *Joanne advances into the room to meet Luna. Jordan, Joanne, and Luna all exchange greetings*

LARRY: No no no! All the freaks out of my room! Too many people in here and they're all a buncha crazies.... Get out!

(Claire speeds past the room and sees the beds. Angrily she storms into the room.)

CLAIRE: What the f*** is this?! Look at all o'yous with your fancy fold-up beds. Meanwhile, I gotta share a shellfish bed with a wh*** and her bas**** son. I want one o'these. Somebody give up your damn bed for Claire.

(Tarah, Mark, Tammy and Suzy are also attracted by the commotion, leaving the PR in an attempt to greet the other houseguests. Boris and Ethel remain outside. Mel and Ginger remain upstairs chatting.)

TARAH: Hi everyone! I'm Tarah! I love puppies. I love pink. I love partying!

BENJI: Hell yes! A hot b****!

TAMMY: Howdy yalls! I'm Tammy. Just wanted to say 'hi' to everybody!

LARRY: O great, just what we need... a memba of the Confed'racy.

SUZY: Hewwo... I am Suzy. I hope -

BENJI: Hey muffintop. Why don't you make way for the pretty girls?

LUNA: Benji, your comments are disgusting and chauvinistic. You're a pig.

SPENCER: I have abducted several pigs. Perhaps Benji needs a first-hand experience?

MARK: Um... maybe this isn't a good time?

CLAIRE: You fata**es need to get outta my damn way. I gotta take a hardcore s***.

(Big Brother: Houseguests! Please report to the outside area. The first HoH competition will begin shortly.)

(The houseguests slowly relax the tension in the room and trickle into the backyard area. Ethel and Boris stand up and get ready for the competition to reveal itself. Claire does not get to go to the bathroom. Ginger and Mel jog down the spiral stairs and make their ways outside. Joanne gathers up some materials and brings Jordan outside. The rest of the houseguests follow suit until all are outside....)

FISH- Just kidding. This is...

To be continued.... (Feel free to comment!)

~Big Brother

[cowchpotaytoe]

Next episode will be written soon and will include the HoH competition results.

[Brendan]

Originally Posted by cowchpotaytoe

(Tarah, Mark, Tammy and Suzy are also attracted by the commotion, leaving the PR in an attempt to greet the other houseguests. Percy* and Ethel remain outside. Mel and Ginger remain upstairs chatting.)

*Boris is outside with Ethel.

[cowchpotaytoe]

Originally Posted by Brendan

*Boris is outside with Ethel.

Course I knew that. I just put that in there to make sure you guys were paying attention . Yup.